We’ve all been there: the grocery store aisle standoff, the “wrong-colored plate” breakdown, or the sudden burst of energy right at bedtime. For parents and professionals in early childhood education, these moments can feel like hurdles to get over.
But what if we shifted our lens? What if we saw these “explosions” not as problems to be fixed, but as a feelings to be decoded? Emotional regulation, the ability to manage feelings and disappointments isn’t “pre-installed” in children. It is a skill built through the steady, patient guidance of the adults they trust most.
Behavior is Communication
Young children haven’t yet mastered the vocabulary to say, “I’m feeling overwhelmed by the loud noises in this room” or “I’m anxious about starting a new school year.” Instead, they use the tools they have, their bodies and their voices.
In the world of social-emotional development, we recognize that children’s behavior is often a physical expression of an internal feeling. Whether it’s aggression, withdrawal, or boundless excitement, these are signals. When we look past the “naughtiness” and ask, “What is this child trying to tell me?” we begin the journey of true emotional regulation.
Children are not born with the ability to navigate challenging situations. Experiences like separation anxiety, disagreements, and overwhelming fear are too much for them to manage alone. Skills like problem-solving, self-soothing and impulse control are learned with the guidance of trusted adults. It is only through consistent and patient modeling that children learn how to cope with difficult situations.
The Power of Co-Regulation
We often tell children to “calm down,” but self-regulation is a skill built over time. This is where co-regulation comes in, the process of offering your own calm to settle a child’s nervous system.
By “wondering” aloud with a child and saying things like, “I wonder if your sad because Grandma is leaving?”, you help them connect physical sensations and feelings to words. You aren’t just stopping a tantrum, you’re teaching them the map of their own emotions.
When exploring the meaning behind a child’s behavior, keep these strategies in mind:
- Pause and Breathe: Children connect to your nervous system. It is helpful for you to calm first, avoid your triggers and respond with a soft, quiet, and consistent tone of voice.
- Connect Before You Correct: Use a responsive approach that helps the child feel safe, move to their eye level and provide comfort like a hug or hand-holding. Avoid lengthy explanations or consequences until the child is calm.
- Name and Validate Feelings: Help them identify what they are feeling and show them their feelings make sense, “I can see you’re sad because mommy is leaving”.
- Use Calming Techniques and Repair: Help the child calm, through breathing or using comfort items. After the crisis passes, talk about what happened and come up with solutions for the next time.
Resilient Parents, Resilient Children
Children are like little mirrors; they reflect the energy of the adults around them. If we approach a meltdown with high-stress energy, the “fire” only grows. However, when we maintain a sense of hopefulness and steady ground, children learn that big feelings aren’t scary or permanent.
Resilient parents raise resilient children. By taking care of our own emotional well-being, we provide the blueprint for our children to handle life’s inevitable ups and downs.
- Role Modeling: If a child sees their parent calmly managing stress, they are more likely to practice those same coping skills.
- Safety and Security: Statements like “We will figure it out” help children believe their parents can be relied on even when things seem scary.
- Overcoming Stress: When parents are overwhelmed, their resilience decreases, leading to feelings of helplessness or hopelessness. Early childhood professionals are uniquely positioned to recognize this stress and create a safe space where parents can share their worries.
Ultimately, early childhood professionals are more than just educators, they are a vital lifeline for families navigating the pressures of life. By fostering an environment rooted in mutual trust and respect, these professionals create opportunities where parents feel safe enough to lean in and share their burdens. When we bridge the gap between home and the classroom, we do more than just solve immediate problems, we plant the seeds of resiliency and hope that allow both parents and children to flourish. Together, we can turn everyday challenges into opportunities for lasting strength.
The Growing Stars Therapeutic Child Care Program
Across our region, many young children are facing increasing social-emotional and behavioral challenges. To meet these needs head-on, CoStars has created Growing Stars Therapeutic Child Care.
Growing Stars blends early learning with therapeutic support to provide in the moment social emotional guidance in a childcare environment. Children ages 2.5–5 years of age who are experiencing difficulties in managing frustrations, building positive relationships, or following directions and routines may benefit from Growing Stars. This program may also be a good fit for children who are struggling in or may have been removed from typical childcare settings. Growing Stars is also an option for children who have successfully completed a behavioral day treatment program but still need some support.
Growing Stars staffing consists of early education teachers and behavioral health therapists trained in helping children obtain critical early learning skills while also supporting their social and emotional competence. Children enrolled in the program learn how to express a broad range of feelings, cope with frustrations or worries and form positive relationships with peers and adults. With the goal of helping children prepare for future success in school, children receive individualized support and interventions tailored to address his/her early learning and developmental needs. In addition, Growing Stars offers
- Small classroom ratios and relationship‑based setting
- Weekly play therapy
- Daily social‑emotional learning groups
- Sensory Regulation Interventions
If you’re looking for high‑quality early childhood education that nurtures the whole child – emotions, behavior, and development – CoStars is here to support your family. Our team understands that big feelings are a natural part of growing up, and we partner with parents to turn challenging moments into meaningful growth. Whether your child needs a warm, developmentally supportive classroom, therapeutic services, or simply a place where they can feel safe, understood, and ready to thrive, CoStars is ready to walk alongside you ensuring that your child can shine!
To learn more or get connected, visit www.costars.org or call us at 513‑272‑2800.
Growing Stars is supported by funding from the United Way of Greater Cincinnati and by a grant from Ohio’s Department of Children and Youth.